On presenting research…
PART ONE
Presenting research can be so nerve-racking, and I thought I'd share some of my own experience here.
As an undergraduate in UCI's Campuswide Honors Collegium and my department's honors program, I applied to get funding for my thesis research and to present my findings at the UCI Undergraduate Research Opportunity Program Symposium. I had spent so much time researching and writing ( and procrastinating) that I barely finished my paper in time to host my own poster, let alone present a slideshow of my findings. I hit some unexpected roadblocks in finishing my project (like finding out that my entire proposal was impossible because of 1 Russian law I hadn't been aware of). But, I finished it and was able to slap together a tri-fold to take to the symposium. I shared my research with those who stopped by, completely ashamed of the state my research was in. I didn't even invite my family. In my mind, my project was a failure, and so was I for having hardly completed in on time and showing up completely underprepared to share my findings.
This experience haunted me in my graduate school experience despite the nearly 10 years that had passed in between. I wasn't the same person. I wasn't in the same program. And, I wasn't studying the same content. Instead, I had an extremely supportive thesis advisor, who couldn't have done anything more to build my confidence. He recommended that graduate students in his research design class take the opportunity to segue our work into applications to present at the Master of Liberal Arts Colloquium at Johns Hopkins for members of our program. That sounded like a safe enough space. Also, he knew the caliber of work that I was bringing to the table, and still recommended it to me. I've always been overcritical of my own work...can you tell? So, I submitted my abstract. A week or so later, he recommended that I submit the same abstract to the Association of Graduate Liberal Studies Programs' Annual conference, a national conference, full of academics? How was my part-time master's program that played second fiddle to my day job preparing me to participate with that kind of group? It was, but I had a terrible case of imposter syndrome. Again, I figured that my advisor knew what he was doing, so I submitted my abstract. To my great surprise, I was accepted to present at both.
This post is only going to highlight the MLA Colloquium...more to come on the AGLSP Conference in part two!
So, my paper was still in an unfinished state by the time the MLA Colloquium came around, but I still had a LOT to share. In fact, I prepared part of a really cool presentation that brought together art, literature, and history to challenge the status quo in the narratives we're so used to learning about and reading about (and honestly, experiencing). Unfortunately, the conference was two days after I was set to return to California from Alaska. So, when the time came, I arrived home from vacation on the red-eye around 5 or 6 am. I slept through most of the day and departed on another string of flights that evening, one of them being another red-eye. When I arrived in Baltimore at 5 am, I wasn't able to check into my hotel, so I had to drop my things off and entertain myself in the rain in Baltimore until they had a room available.
Stressed as can be that my slideshow remained unfinished, that I was so sleep-deprived, and that it was raining and hot and I had to walk everywhere without the proper attire, I held it together, walked the city, got some good food, saw some museums, did some shopping, and all by lunchtime. So, I headed back to the hotel to get to work on my presentation. Of course, though, I just took a long nap. Then, I went out to dinner. And when I finally came back, still on California time, I stayed up half the night listening to the boisterous party next door and preparing my presentation. I was cramming for the first time in a long while. Eventually, I felt good about it, set up a wake-up call, and hit the hay. The next morning, I put myself together, went to the Johns Hopkins campus (which I'd never seen before), found my way to the colloquium, and tried to calm my severe case of the butterflies.
It wasn't long before I found solace with other students equally as nervous as I. I saw my advisor and felt confident about my presentation. The environment was so supportive, the people were friendly and fun, and I finally got to put faces to the names I'd had for classmates for over two years. And then, even though so many people presented before me, suddenly my turn came out of nowhere. I jumped to the front, rushed through my presentation, as we were pressed for time, answered questions, and reveled in the academic community that had shown up for the colloquium. Needless to say, this experience was instrumental in developing my own self-esteem, my own confidence. I learned that I was not an imposter. Instead, I was a contributing member of a legacy of academia that both bolstered my efforts and challenged me to think more critically, follow my passion, and believe in myself.
With my newfound confidence, I tried a fun place for dinner, celebrating my success and got on another flight at the crack of dawn to come home. I spent a small fortune attending that colloquium, but it was an invaluable investment in myself. I realized that I thrive in the academic environment, enjoy my peers and heroes in that arena, and that I had nothing to worry about...
Until next time, the AGLSP.